


Pitch-Black Ink

by Shadowcat221b



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Artist!Dean, Destiel (eventually), Fluff and Angst, Highschool AU, M/M, Shifter AU, hurt!Dean, shifter!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 07:25:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2183034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat221b/pseuds/Shadowcat221b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is an outcast. Dean Winchester is the new kid. One day Castiel sits down beside him during lunch break.</p>
<p>Read and enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

The Novaks had always been shifters. And they had always been birds. Chuck Novak was an eagle, same as his first born son, Micheal. The second oldest, Raphael was a peacock, while the third, Lucifer, was a parrot. The fourth, Gabriel, was a burrowing owl and the fifth, the youngest, Castiel a raven. Both Gabriel and Castiel shared a special gift. They were able not only transform into birds but to just grow their wings. Their father lovingly called them his Angels. When Castiel was three years old, his mother died and Chuck worked to numb his grief. His business absorbed him and he was almost never at home to see his boys grow up. Castiel was mostly raised by his brothers, his aunt and several nannies that never stayed for long. Micheal graduated and went to Princeton. Raphael one year later to Harvard. Lucifer joined the Military.

Gabriel decided to stay with Cas, because someone 'had to look after the kiddo'. He studied to become a veterinarian while volunteering at the local animal shelter. Chuck had only been home for Christmas during Castiel´s sophomore year. Since then they had only spoken over the phone and via emails. Novak Enterprises was blossoming like never before.

Castiel stayed to himself in school, being 'the weirdo', keeping his head down. His best friend was his cousin Ria Milton, a girl of the age of 19. She was also a shifter, yet as all the Miltons, she was a cat. And same as Castiel she was able to partially transform, flashing him her yellow cat eyes every once in a while as a quiet inside joke. She had a younger sister, Anna. Castiel and Anna had been friends during Kindergarden, but as they grew up, they grew apart. Ria worked at the same animal shelter as Gabe and often came over for dinner. He also had one other friend, her name was Meg Masters. She was human, but they clicked and were inseperable until she moved away because her Dad had gotten a new job somewhere in Europe, during Cas´junior year. Now they were writing mails and skyped sometimes, yet in school Castiel was once again  alone. Until that one day during senior year, the new kid showed up.

 

Dean Winchester was a human. He had a little brother whom he loved like noone else, Sam, and his Dad had drilled him to look after him, since his Mom had died in the terror attacks of 9/11. She had been one of the passengers of the flight AA11, on her way to visit her parents. Dean had been four then. His Dad had started drinking and he had looked after Sammy. His Dad managed to keep his job a few more weeks. Then they moved, Dad tried to start new. A few months later the alcohol took over again. Dean asked his Dad why they always moved, why his mom wasn´t coming home. He never got an answer. So he did as he was told and kept his mouth shut.

When Dean was 14 his Dad finally appeared to get better. He went to the anonymous alcoholics sessions. He started to care again, had a job that payed off good enough to raise his boys well. Since his Dad didn´t spent the money on buying alcohol, yet even started a college fund for them,  Dean relaxed for the first time in 10 years, not having to think of how to get Sammy something good to eat, to buy clothes or save some money for his brother´s education himself. Dean found friends, he socialized, now that he knew that they would stay longer than just a few months. He even went to the movies and saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, just because he finally could. Everything was good.

But then, after he kissed Aaron in the janitor´s closet and got caught, it all went downhill. His so called friends turned on him and his Dad got sick. Dean was 15 and back to taking care of his brother and father, trying to survive school. His Dad refused to go see a doctor,argumenting it was just a flu  and tried to numb his pain with booze again. Dean did not believe him. He talked to his Dad, but he wouldn´t listen.  After he collapsed twice Dean could finally convince him to go to the doctor. The diagnosis was cancer, incureable. Dean had turned 16 over half a year ago. Now he took care of his father, who was slowly dying, yet refused to admit it, looked after his brother, that he had enough to eat, good clothes, got to school on time, told him not to worry, because everything would be fine and worked two jobs while going to school himself, to pay the bills, the meds, everything. Dean was there for them. But noone was there for him. He witnessed his father slowly fading. He hurt, but he couldn´t tell anyone. He had no friends, no family except for his father and Sam. He knew he couldn´t put his crap on Sammy, his little brother was only 12. He had to protect him. So he kept silent.

As his Dad died a few months after Deans 17th birthday, he had already eaten up all his personal savings. But he didn´t dare to take anything from the small college fund his Dad had started. Sam kept asking questions Dean couldn´t answer. A few days later though they were picked up by Dean´s godfather, Bobby Singer, who had filed for custody for both of them. Dean hadn´t heard from Bobby in years, so he wondered how Bobby knew that they needed help. Later he found out that his father had enacted that Bobby should take them both in when he died. They moved in with Bobby and Dean murmured a small Thank-You as he took in the sight of the two small bedrooms Bobby had set up for them. He gave a small sad smile seeing the journal Bobby had laid on his pillow. He must have remembered how much Dean had loved to draw back when he was a toddler. He hadn´t really drawn since then, just sketched in school, still loving the feel of creating something with lines on a blank paper. Bobby had told them that they would start school when the next term began, because he knew they would need time to adjust to everything and there was only one week of this years term left before summer break.

He looked around and found a ball-point pen with pitch-black ink. Then he sat down on his new bed and wrote his name in the journal.

Dean Winchester was 17 and the last words he said were 'Thank you'. Now that he didn´t have to look out for Sammy anymore, because Bobby did, his exhaustion, the exhaustion he had felt for years, took over. Life had taught him to stay silent, that there was noone who would listen. Noone had ever listened. Dean found that 'Thank you' were good last words. So he sketched and drew, but kept silent. What was the point in talking, if there was noone who listened?


	2. Pudding

The first day of school after summer break had never been Castiel´s favorite. Well, actually he did not really like any days of school. Everyone met up in the halls, chatting about how they spent their vacation, friends meeting again and for Castiel it marked the beginning of another year of not being invited to parties, being ignored and talked about behind his back. He was done with it. The only thing that lightened his mood now was the fact that it was the first day of his senior year. He would just have to survive this last year and he would be free.

Although he had gotten used to ignoring the everlasting whispering around him, he quickly realized that this year it wasn´t about him. It was about the new kid in town, the Dean Winchester guy. Cas had heard his brother mentioning that two boys moved in with Mister Singer at the other end of town a couple of weeks ago, but hadn´t given it much thought. Now though, as he heard closer, his curiosity was awoken. Appearently Dean was pretty, judging by all the sighs from the girls when they described him, but also a retard or, even worse, an unbearably shy geek according to every second sentence. After all he heard he wanted to get to know the guy, witha slight, very slight chance of making a friend. Or at least to forge his own opinion about the new kid. Castiel continued to eavesdrop the entire day, yet wasn´t able to gain anymore information.

 

Three days into term and Dean was already done with it. Every single teacher had wanted him to introduce himself, wich he hadn´t done, great first impression. He had no interest in making friends and luckily no one had tried to do just that, but he had hoped that he could just keep his head down and stay below the radar. Sadly, that hadn´t worked out yet. Dean was well aware of all the talk he caused. And he buried himself deep in his sketches and books so it wouldnt hurt him. Even at lunch he was reading, this time an old book he had found in the small bookshop in town, its name was 'Hitchhiker´s Guide Through The Galaxy'. Even after the first 80 pages Dean didn´t know what to make of it. Yes it was quite amusing. And philosophical. And he liked the characters.  But still...  
During classes Dean tried to focus on what the teachers were trying to tell him, but as soon as the bell rang he got his nose stuck in the book. That was why, as he had tucked himself away in a faraway corner of the cafeteria during lunch, he hadn´t heard the someone approach until he was standing right beside him, clearing his throat. Dean flinched but didn´t look up. »Hello, do you mind if I sit down?«, a low, pleasant voice asked. Everything in Dean yelled 'Yes, just go away and sit somewhere else.', but still, the way the question had been asked and the tone and sound of the voice somehow convinced him to shake his head a little. He heard the stranger breathing out relived and lifted his eyes cautiously from the book. The stranger set his tray on the table before carefully sliding onto the bench opposite Dean. He arranged his cutlery before looking at him. Dean just gave him a quick once over, but almost instantly he was mesmerized by the brightness of the strangers blue eyes and his raven black hair. He had plush pinkish lips and a small barely there smile playing on them. All in all he was beautiful. But he was quickly ripped out of his observation as the stranger spoke once more: »My name is Castiel. You are Dean, right?« Dean gave a careless nod. That seemed to settle the conversation for Castiel. Dean was grateful for that.

 

Cas had spotted Dean the minute he had walked into the cafeteria. The time he had spent in line to get his meal had been the time he needed to conjure up his power to go and ask if he could sit down at his table. Eventhough Cas could sense Dean´s discomfort as soon as he realized someone was standing beside him and wanted to join his company, he was glad that Dean had said yes. Well, showed that he wasn´t strictly against Cas sitting there. The minute Cas sat down, he knew Dean wasn´t a retard nor shy. He didn´t know what the reason was why Dean kept his mouth shut. Yet he wanted to find out. But first things first. So he introduced himself. Afterwards Dean returned to read, blank expression on his face without further notice of Castiel´s presence, wich allowed Cas to take a closer look at him. And the girls hadn´t exaggerated. Dean was gorgeous. Green eyes, short dark blond hair, lips any girl would kill for and freckles dusted across his skin.  
They ate in silence. Or more precisely Cas ate while Dean read. As he came to his desert, a caramel pudding, he once again looked up. Dean hadn´t eaten anything except for his pudding. Without any words Cas slid his pudding across the table. Dean looked up. There was distrust and question in his eyes, so Cas had the urge to explain himself. »I don´t really like caramel and appearently you do, so I figured...«, he ended with a shrug, watching the pudding intently. As he lifted his eyes he saw that Dean had picked up his spoon and reached for the pudding. As Dean returned this time to his book, he had a tiny, tiny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Cas wondered what it would look like if those lips curled up in a full smile.

They continued to eat together in companionable silence every day since then. A few days later after Cas had slipped him his caramel pudding, Dean slid his vanilla yoghurt across the table towards Cas with a shrug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta´d, written in the middle of the night and R&R is highly appreciated... Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed ;)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


	3. Rain

It was Thursday, three weeks after school had started and the rain was pouring down as if it wanted to drown the world. Dean and Cas had been eating together for two weeks and a day now and Cas was happy about every minute they spent together. Usually they just sat there, Dean having his nose stuck in some book and Cas minding his own business, but sometimes they traded deserts and past Tuesday Dean had silently slid the book he had just finished across the table for Cas to read.  
Cas could see that Dean got more and more relaxed around him during lunch. The first day they had sat together his body had been a little tense, cautious even, but as time went by he started to loosen up a little.  
Thinking about the past weeks Cas sat in his small dark blue Peugot, that was still parked in the student parking lot. Almost everybody else had already left. As he looked out of the window he saw through all the water running down the glass a familiar figure walking down the sidewalk. Dean. Quickly he cranked down his window. »Need a ride?«, he almost yelled to make himself heard above the noise of the rain. Dean´s head turned and he nodded. Within the next seconds Dean made it into his car. As he slid into the passenger seat and closed the door Cas once again caught himself staring. Water was dripping down Dean´s hair, onto his clothes and the backpack he had put in his lap. He cleared his throat: »Umm, just tell me where to turn and I drop you off if you say so, ok?« Dean nodded. _Great,_ Cas thought and started the engine.

Dean had never planned on socializing even the slightest bit during his senior year. Yet here he was, sitting in a car with a guy he ate lunch with every day. Eventhough he still hadn´t got used to the idea that he might be actually making a friend, there was something about Castiel that made Dean feel at ease in his presence. Castiel never pushed him, he just let him be, wich Dean found remarkeable. Dean knew that Cas had his own weight to carry, had noticed the way the other students avoided the young man. But Dean didn´t mind. He didn´t mind at all, it might have made Cas even a little more interesting in his eyes. And there was a calmness to Cas. Even if he was excited like now, Dean could practilly sense how it made the other happy that he had accepted the offer, it was still there, underlying and steady. Lost in his thoughts Dean looked out of the window. And noticed that they would soon have to turn. He turned his gaze to Cas who was looking intently straight ahead out of the windshield.  
Somehow Dean had to get his attention. So he did what first came to his mind. He tapped him tentatively on the shoulder.

Cas was startled out of his thoughts by a feathery light tap on his shoulder. It cost him all his self-control not to slam the breaks right then, because _damn,_ he hadn´t really forgotten about Dean, how could he, but had let himself being washed away by all the positive emotions that perticular fact, Dean being in his car, had evoked in him. So he was surprised. He slowed the car down a little, took his eyes of the road and turned his head. He was met by the sight of Dean, who sat there, torso slighty turned towards Cas, his index finger still hovering above Cas´shoulder and as Cas eyes traveled up to his face he briefly met Dean´s. And there, for just a split second, Cas saw something flash past them. Shadow and light in those emerald green eyes. Emotions and it weren´t the brightest Cas knew. He would have loved to have the time to look at those eyes in peace, not having to worry about crashing his car with both of them in it. Even though Dean didn´t talk, Cas knew in that moment that his eyes would tell him everything important. Because Dean´s carefully prepared mask was slipping more often in his presence. A tiny smile at lunch, a small frown at a scentence in his book, all these small, barely there displays of emotion breaking through his mask of carelessness. All this rushed through Cas within a second, to fast for him to grasp, keep and eventhough he would have loved to actually think all this, he had only felt it in a short moment of time.  
Dean pointed left of him. Cas quickly tore his gaze away from Dean and concentrated on the road again. The next opportunity he turned left.

Dean navigated Cas through town to Bobby Singer´s scrap yard. As they had finally reached it, he gave Cas a small nod, one of his tiny private smiles and exited the car. Then after a short period of consideration he decided to wave. Cas smiled and waved back and then Dean turned on his heel and quickly got into the house. It was still raining madly.

Cas´ smile stayed on his face, not even his brother´s terrible cooking of that evening (he had tried to sweeten the vegetables in their meal with confectioner´s sugar and now it was really a nasty nauseating mess) could make it vanish. Dean though spent his afternoon sitting in his room sketching little details of Cas car out of his memory with pitch-black ink in his journal. Like the small collection of pennies on the dashboard. Or the tiny little owl that was hanging on a thread from the rearview mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry, this is a bit shorter than the others, a friends has come to visit so I won´t be updating the next days... But I promise I will update soon! This again written late, un-beta´d and I thank you so much for reading it. R&R please ;)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


	4. A silent laugh

Friday morning Cas was thrumming with anticipation waiting for lunch. As he finaly walked into the cafeteria, Dean was already there in their private little corner. He had his nose buried in the second book of A Song Of Ice And Fire. cas could see Dean had reached the last few pages. And just this Tuesday Dean had finished the first one and lend Cas to read it. _That kid is a fast reader,_ Cas thought as he sat down opposite Dean. about three minutes later Dean clasped the book shut.In one swift movement he slid it across the table towards Cas, while simultaneously leaning down and rummaging through his back pack. Cas eyed him curiously. Dean brought his head back up, a paper slip in hand. He passed it to Cas, who carefully unfolded it.  
It was a sketch, a pitch-black owl banned on paper with confident but quiet lines. Cas recognized the owl immediatly, it was the one he had in his car. Gabriel had given it to him as he had got his license as a 'lucky charm'. »Wow«, Cas whispered. A little bit louder he added, barely containing his happiness: »This is amazing! Thank you!« As he lifted his gaze to Dean he saw the other _blushing._ Just the tiniest bit, a light shade of pink coloring his cheeks, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Realization dawned to Cas. »Did you draw this?« A shy nod. »Thank you«, he smiled. It were the most sincere and heartfelt words he had said in weeks.  Joy pulsing through him Cas couldn´ t keep the words in: »Hey, umm, do you wanna come over tomorrow?« Dean froze. Cas feared that he had pushed it too far. But then Dean nodded and Cas face once again lit up like a christmas tree. He once again looked at the drawing before safely tucking it away in his wallet.  Just as Dean fumbled to get up Cas remembered something important: »You need my adress!« Dean smiled and handed him a pen and some paper. Hastily Cas scribbled down  **Marburrow Lane 43**. Dean retrieved the objects, smilling, stuffing them into the pocket of his faded jeans.

Saturday at 12.07 pm Dean stood infront the brown wooden door of Marburrow Lane 43, finger hovering before the doorbell, his mind racing. But before his crazy mind could convince him otherwise Dean rang it. He heard some rumbeling and then the door was opened. And not by Cas. It was a young man with golden eyes, quiet long brown blondish hair and Dean cautiously took a step back. »Hey there kiddo, how can I help ya?«, he exlaimed, rolling his shoulders, smirking. Dean tensed and tried to make himself smaller, almost bolting right then, the only thing stopping him being Cas voice ringing out from inside. »Gabe, who is it? « »Some very scared shy guy!«, Gabe yelled back. Within seconds Cas head poked around the other man. His face was adorned by a generous honest smile. »Dean you came. Come in! Never mind my brother Gabriel, he is just a little bit ... bouncy ... at times...«, Cas motioned for Dean to get inside.

As Cas had heard the doorbell he had just finished stacking the dvds. He listened to the light shuffle of his brother´s feathers as he retracted his wings and went to the door. As no other sound than Gabe´s talking had occured, Cas knew who the person on the doorstep was. Still he wanted Gabe to confirm it. So he made him.  
As he poked his head around his brother he saw Dean standing on the porch, looking like a deer caught in head-lights. And Cas´heart grew warm the moment Dean saw him and visibly relaxed.  
He couldn´t hide his happiness as he invited Dean in, while apologizing for his brother. His vivid nature could be ... intimidating.  
Dean followed as Cas gave him the tiny tour around the house. They eventually ended up in Cas room, up in the attic with Dean going through his dvds. Cas stood there still not able to grasp the fact that Dean was there, in his room, taking in every detail. Cas had no clue how it had happened but somehow he found himself trusting Dean already as much as Meg, though he had never even heard Dean saying something. But Dean didn´t need to, he told Cas everything important through his body language, his eyes and small frowns and smiles and his actions. Cas was snapped out of his thoughts as Dean turned around holding up 'Hitchhiker´s Guide Through The Galaxy' with Martin Freeman, one eyebrow raised in question. »You´ve never seen it?« Cas asked. Dean shook his head. »We should change that«, Cas stated.  
This way they ended up huddled on opposite ends of Cas small couch minutes later, after they had collected some snacks from the kitchen´, eyes trained on the TV.

While Dean almost got lost in the movie Cas couldn´t help but sneak a few glances over to him. His own smile grew as he saw Dean´s lips curl up in smiles or when he was displeased by a scene form a thin line. Dean never laughed though. This detail dimmed Cas joy.  
As the credits rolled Dean jumped up, quickly moving to the dvds and picking up another movie. 'Wild Target' with also with Martin Freeman and Bill Nighy. Cas gave a small appreciating nod.  
Cas glanced over to Dean the minute as Tony got hit by the car door. And he could believe his eyes. Dean´s body was shaken by quiet little tremors. Dean was chuckling. No sound came over his lips but it was a chuckle, definetly. Cas eyes returned to the screen while his mind was trying to save the image of Dean beside him, relaxed and loose, quietly enjoying himself. Cas asked himself when the last time might have been Dean had done just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, my visitor is gone and I have some ideas left ;) Please R&R and thank you so much for reading.  
> Hugz, cookies and pie,  
> the shadowcat


	5. A Song Of Ice And Fire

Their saturday movie night became a regular thing over the course of the next weeks. Cas noted how Dean opened up more and more, showing his incredible smile more often and even doing his silent chuckle every now and then. About five weeks after Dean had come over the first time they decided on watching Game of Thrones. Well, Dean showed up on Cas doorstep holding the Season One DVD Box up, eyebrows raised, small smile tugging at his lips. Dean had read every book by then while Cas was currently reading the third one. So they settled into their usual positions on the couch, snacks on the table, Cas curled up at one side, Dean at the other.

Nine hours later their eyes had adapted the shape of the TV, they were almost done with the season, Cas asked himself how he could have missed this before and Dean was half asleep.

Cas stole a glance sideways and was once again mesmerized by how pretty Dean was. Sleep was currently taking over, Dean´s features settled and relaxed, his whole body simply draped on the couch. Cas thought that Dean looked youn like this. Cas didn´t really know how old Dean was, but he guessed they had to be around the same age. Once more Cas found himself wondering what had made Dean so quiet. He wondered if Dean had been born mute or if something had made him lose his voice. Wondered why he trusted Dean like no one else, not even Gabriel. Wondered what had made Dean into who he was now. Every now and then he caught a glimpse of Dean´s life outside school and Cas´ room. When Dean slipped him another drawing. When he lent Cas a new book or brought a movie with him on Saturday. Or that one time when Cas had been out grocery shopping and had seen Dean an aisle over, a young boy in his company. The boy must have been around twelve or thirteen and never left Dean´s side. Even from afar Cas could see the affection and love in Dean´s eyes when he looked the boy. _Maybe it is his brother_ , Cas thought. But he also noticed the sadness in Dean´s eyes everytime the boy wasn´t looking at him. Dean hadn´t seen Cas though and Cas hadn´t told Dean about it the next Saturday.He actually had forgot about it as soon as he had opened the door and seen Dean smiling at him holding up Game of Thrones. That´s how he had ended up here.

As the main menu popped up again Dean was starteled out of his nap and Cas´ head snapped back towards the TV.

Soon after Dean left. Cas slid into bed that night with thoughts rushing through his mind, mixed feelings storming inside him. He thought about how he felt as if he knew Dean inside and out yet had the feeling of not knowing him at all. Dean was like an open book inn a foreign language for him. He felt as if he could read Dean, knew who he was but missed all the details of his story.

 

Sunday morning Cas was awoken  by the sharp ring of the doorbell. Gabriel was at the shelter, so much he knew. Asking himself who had the courage of waking him up on a Sunday at, Cas looked at the clock, HOLY SHIT, 12 pm, he staggered to the door.

 

The door opened and Dean faced a Cas with sleep mussed up hair, not really awake yet, still in sweat pants and an old t-shirt, whos frown quickly transformed into a smile as he recognized Dean. Dean held up season two of Game of Thrones, hope in his eyes. Cas stepped away from the door and Dean smiled and went in.

 

As the opening credits of the third episode of the second season rolled Cas first thought something had to be wrong with the audio. He had noticed a very quiet, barely there sound that did not match the music 100 percent, yet shared the melody of the main theme. He was just about to turn up the volume and ask Dean if he heard the same as realization hit him like a punch in the guts. Slowly he turned his head around and looked at Dean. His eyes were trained on the TV, focused on the map of Westeros. Cas though took a closer look at Dean´s throat while trying to keep listening. And there it was. So small that it could have been easily overlooked if Cas hadn´t been concentraiting that hard. But this way he saw Dean´s adams apple lightly moving. He kept hearing the tiny broken notes. Cas felt like crying. Dean was humming along. And even through the imperfect sounds Cas could hear that once Dean´s voice must have been beautiful.  
Dean was still focused on the TV and the opening credits ended. So did the quiet humming. Cas turned his gaze back to the story in Westeros, yet his thoughts always returned back to Dean. They kept circling around him. Cas felt as if he missed at least the next three episodes almost entirely. But he couldn´t bring himself to care.

 

That night he fell into bed, tears streaming down his face. Monday Dean greeted him at lunch with a nod and returned to his book. Tuesday at dinner Gabriel told Cas that their father would come to visit them at Saturday. Wednesday Cas cancelled his plans with Dean. Dean just looked at him with a blank expression and nodded. The next days they ate silently, Cas apologizing at least once every day and excusing himelf and Dean looking at him, nodding an _It´s okay, I understand._ Still Cas felt bad. Maybe because he wanted to spent his day with Dean and not with his father whom he didn´t really know anymore. Not that he had ever had. But things were going so well with Dean and canceling their weekly appointment felt like a step back to Cas. Saturday afternoon Chuck Novak arrived.  Saturday night Cas turned up on Dean´s doorstep because he had nowwhere else to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry for any typos, it is pretty late and I wanted to finish this chapter, but I am really tired and this is un-beta´d... Anyway, thank you for reading, please R&R and chapter 6 is already on its way ;)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


	6. Broken

Saturday night  it was raining. Dean actually liked the rain. Liked how it tapped against the window and the rooftop. Rain made him feel safe and at ease. Right now though Dean was stretched out on his bed, flipping through the pages of his journal, trying to distract his mind from the sadness he felt because he wasn´t with Cas. He failed.

Dean really liked Cas. He liked the way he felt around  the other. Felt as if Cas listened. Cas cared. Or at least Dean thought so.

Dean sighed and got up. He needed to drink something. So he wandered downstairs into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. Then he heard the cautious knock at the front door. A glance at the clock that sat on the counter told him that it was eight minutes past 10 pm.

He opened the door. Cas was standing on the porch, jacket pulled tightly across his chest, teeth clattering, soaked wet, hair dripping. »Can I stay here tonigh?« The sadness, defeat and desperation in Cas´ voice broke Dean´s heart. He nodded and resisted the urge to just pull Cas in, hug him tight and never let go. As soon as Dean had shut the door behind Cas he motioned him to stay right where he was as he ran into the kitchen and hastily made a tea. A minute later he returned to the hall and felt his heart once again shatter. Cas was standing there, trembling, eyes on the floor, arms clasped around himself. He looked so young, so fragile, broken and lost. He reminded Dean of Sammy when he had been younger. And same as with Sammy he wanted to protect Cas from any kind of harm.

Carefully Dean nudged Cas shoulder with his own. Cas barely lifted his eyes off the ground but Dean could see a sad smile spreading on his face as he accepted the tea. Dean led them up the stairs to his room.

On their way Dean quickly stopped at the bathroom and grabbed a towel. In his room he quickly fished some clothes for Cas out of his closet. He handed them to Cas and left the room, giving the other some time to change. Meanwhile Dean thought about where he could sleep. They both had to sleep in his room or he would have to explain why he let a starnger in the house in the middle of the night. He himself could take the floor he concluded. He knocked at his own door wich was answered with a muffled 'Yes'. He quietly slid in.

 

Cas had already turned off the light and crawled into bed. Dean´s clothes were just a tiny bit too big for him but he didn´t care. He still felt cold though. And tired, so tired. He knew Dean was hesitating to share a bed with him, so he tried to change as he mumbled:»C´mere, we can share. ´S your bed afterall.« A few seconds later he felt the bed dip beside him, as Dean carefully lay down, still keeping as many inches between them as possible. It weren´t much. Cas rolled to his side and let the tears that had threatened his eyes since he left his home fall free.

 

Cas lay with his back turned to Dean, but he instantly noticed the small gasps the other let out. The way the other was shaking. Cas was crying. And Dean did the only thing he could think of.

Slowly, tentativly he extended his hand, placing his fingers carefully on Cas´ waist. He could feel Cas´ muscles tense under his fingertips as he snaked his arm around the trembling boy, pulling him close until they were pressed together back to chest.

 

Dean held him steady and safe and eventually Cas relaxed into the touch, even trying to get a tiny bit closer. Then something wound ist way through Cas´ ranging feelings. Barely audible, but definetly there. Dean was shushing him. Dean was really shushing him, a soothing constant sound in Cas ears. After sometime Cas tears started to fade. They stayed like this though. Dean fell asleep with his nose buried in Cas´ neck, an arm tightly wrapped around his torso, Cas wrapped up in Dean´s warmth.

 

Cas woke up the next morning to find his arm draped across Dean´s chest while only Dean´s hand was still lying on his waist. He took a moment to relish the feeling. As he opened his eyes again he took his time to take a look at the room that was Dean´s. There were sketches pinned to the walls, alongside some paintings and scraps of paper with words scrabbled all over them.  Except for the composed chaos at the walls Dean´s room was tidy. Cas turned his head a little bit more and just got to witness Dean waking up. His eyelids lifted slowly and revealed the bright green of his eyes. Cas was lost in them, lost in seeing Dean waking up, of his features coming to live.  Dean smiled and then shut his eyes again. A few seconds later his chest was rising and falling steadily again, Dean fast asleep. Cas decided that he could go for another round of sleep to, he was so exhausted. So he closed his eyes again aswell and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry that this is kind of really short but I promise you the next chapter is already on its way. Thank you for reading, R&R please, this is still un-beta´d...  
> Here some pie and cookies for you,  
> the shadowcat


	7. I´m only honest when it rains

Cas had woken up with emptiness beside him and breakfast sitting on the bedside table. Soon after Dean had showed up, small tired smile on his face, hair still a little bit mussed from sleep and a mug of coffee in hand. He had sat down on the bed, keeping Cas quiet company while he ate. As he had finished his meal, Cas had asked wether Dean could give him a ride, because he had come by foot yesterday and the rain was still pouring. That he had walked was a lie, he had flown, but he couldn´t tell Dean that, could he? Dean had simply nodded. Somewhere on the road Cas had asked him if he could turn and drive him to the woods, because Cas knew he couldn´t face home now. But he knew that he needed to talk. He just didn´t know how to start. That was how he ended up in Dean´s car, an old '67 Chevy Impala, watching the rain hammering on the windshield, choking on his words, while they poured out of him like the rain poured down on the trees in a rant, struggling with tears of rage and sadness. Dean sat beside him, patient, waiting, not pushing, just... listening.  
»Remember how I told you you couldn´t come over because my Dad would come for a visit? Well he came for a visit and I wish hadn´t. At first it was just... peachy. He was so nice and and kind and happy to see us and we were happy to see him, we haven´t seen aechother in over a year and then... and then my brother Gabriel told him about his job at the shelter and that he was almost done with his studies and that he would be a vetenerian soon and he sounded so damn proud and my god, I know its his dream and then my father just looks at him and goes "Son, when you said you wanted to study that I thought you were joking, no Novak works at an animal shelter" and I mean what is his fucking problem? Micheal and Raphael and Lucifer can take over the business!!! Gabriel told him what he wanted to do years ago!!! And back then he seemed totally fine with that. But now I know that back then he didn´t listen. HE NEVER LISTENED! he was never there... he is a stranger«, Cas voice broke away. At first he didn´t realized what the wet warm streaks across his face were, he had thought he had cried enough last night, but as it turned out he hadn´t. His head dropped, his body  shaking and trembling and once more Dean was there. Cas felt his warm hand sliding across his neck, dropping to his shoulder, pulling him in until his head was resting at Dean´s neck, safe and sound, embraced and protected. Dean´s hand carded soothingly through his hair while he kept rambeling about his father, about his broken family, trust and believes, words rushing out of him, tears running down his face and wetning Dean´s shirt. Cas had known the truth deep down since years. But having it spit in his face made it impossible for him to ignore it any further. His heart had been shattered and he had cut himself on the pieces as he had tried to pick them up. So he ran to the one person that he knew would listen. And Dean had done exactly what that. Cas was surprised that he hadn´t thought of Ria but of Dean in his desperation. Dean was just there, didn´t ask questions, didn´t push but listened. Cas felt as if the sharp edges of his broken heart suddenly started to soften. And while he talked, muffled by Dean´s shirt, he slowly, carefully started picking up the pieces. He had no idea how much time had passed, but then he felt that his heart was whole again. It still hurt and bleed and Cas knew it would do that for a long time to come, yet it was in one piece. It could start to heal now. And beneath all his sorrow and pain he felt gratitude and... love towards the other man, who hadn´t healed him, yet had given him the courage not to give up.  Somehow Cas knew that if it wasn´t for Dean he would have given up, trying to collect his broken heart but not trying to put it back together. He knew that to heal he would have to endure a lot of pain but he knew that Dean was with him. And he knew he wanted to show Dean who he was. Entirely. He wanted to show Dean his wings.

 He lifted his gaze to be meet by emerald green orbs filled with concern. He lightly untangled himself from Dean´s arms. »I, chrm, umm, I wanted to, chrm, show you something... «, he managed to say, trying to grasp onto his newly won courage. »Outside.« Dean cocked an eyebrow at the rain but as he looked in Cas eyes he gave a quiet sigh, opened the door and exited the car. Cas took a deep breath and then quickly shugged off his shirt he didn´t want to rip it. As he caught Dean´s slightly annoyed look outside he snapped out of his thoughts immediatly and in a daze he made it out of the car. »Come on, please, I don´t wanna do it here«, he thought as he motioned Dean to follow him. Soon after they had reached a small clearing.  Dean leaned against a tree, clearly not in a good mood due to all the water soaking his clothes and both eyebrows raised in question. »Please don´t freak out!«, Castiel whispered. And with those words he felt his wings expand, the dark feathers rustle, the feeling of freedom running through his veins. Then he heard something that he never thought he would hear and simply flooded him with emotion. A low raspy sound, a voice, Dean´s voice, filled with an unberable sadness. »Damn it. I am dreaming, ain´t I, Cas.«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Readers,  
> I´m sorry if it is a bit cheesy and that I didn´t publish sooner, but school and life kept me occupied pretty good. Still I hope you liked this chapter, title is from the song Neptune by Sleeping At Last wich actually inspired me to write this fic. R&R please, huge thanks to everyone who has left or will leave kudos, this un-beta´d as usual and I love you all ;)  
> Hugz, cookies and pie,  
> the shadowcat


	8. Feathers

It wasn´t a question, it was a statement. Dean was entirely sure of what he had said. And Castiel stood there, lost of words, the sound of Dean´s voice filling his thoughts. He stood there frozen in motion his wings opened wide terreified of what might happen, wether Dean would retreat or get angry or worse. He closed his eyes, wishing to disappear, because he feared the moment Dean realized that this was reality, that he was an abomination, a freak of nature. All happiness he felt because Dean had spoken vanished into thin air. And then he felt the light touch of Dean´s fingertips on his feathers. Caressing them gently, carefully tracing them. He drew in a shuddering breath waiting for the inevitable. He felt how Dean´s fingertips wandered over his wings and if he had opened his eyes he would have seen the pure admiration in Dean´s. But he didn´t and that way it was an even greater surprise to him as he felt Dean´s fingers slide across them until they tenderly grazed his bare chest. His skin was wet and he felt cold from the rain, while Dean´s fingertips were warm. He felt Dean coming closer yet their only contact was Dean´s hand now splayed on his chest. »You are beautiful«, Dean whispered, his voice already smoothing out. And then Cas felt Dean´s lips softly pressed on his. It took him a second to realize they were kissing, to slip his hand into Dean´s hair and other around his neck. Dean´s arm was snaking around his torso pulling him closer. The kiss was sweet and chaste and full of promise. Then Dean´s tongue grazed his bottom lip. Cas invited him in, opening up and as their tongues meet he felt safe. Loved. Home. Their tongues danced as Dean´s other hand wandered around his body, skimming his ribcage lightly wich caused Cas to chuckle into the kiss and came to rest between his shoulder blades. Between his wings. With a soft rustle of feathers his wings cocooned them, protecting them from the rain, hiding them away from the world.

Exactly one week and four days later Dean brought Cas home with him for dinner. Bobby sat there a smile trying to hide away in his beard as he watched Dean laugh at some joke Cas had made, his heart warming as he saw his little idjit happy as never before. Sam sat there eyes wide,  staring at his brother and the stranger that had managed to do what he couldn´t. He saw how Dean smiled like a fool everytime Cas said something witty or made a reference. He remembered how Dean had changed over the past weeks, that one day he had started talking again and how he had wondered what might have been the cause. How much he had missed his brother´s voice. And now, after dinner was over, when Cas turned to leave and Dean accompanied him to the door he made a quick decision. He sprinted after them, passing Dean who was just about to lean in towards Cas and almost tackled the raven haired boy down. He was just thirteen and already quite tall, yet he buried his face in Cas´ chest and wound his arms around the other, holding on tight.

»Thank you«, he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is really short, but don´t worry an epilogue is on its way. As usual I hope you liked it, please R&R.  
> Thank you so much for reading.  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


	9. Epilogue

After they had graduated they had been accepted to different universities, Cas wanted to study Biology and Dean wanted to study art. They tried to manage a long-distance relationship but it didn´t work out. They broke up and Dean got quieter everyday. Two months later Cas transferred.  
Five years later when they went home to visit Bobby for his birthday, Dean tricked Cas into coming to the small clearing with him where they had shared their first kiss. Cas started crying as Dean got down on one knee and proposed. He would deny that later. After he said yes he pulled Dean up to kiss him stupid.

Now they were together for eighteen years. Dean was currently sitting at his desk trying to scrabble down some sketches regardless of the elf owl that sat on his head. He stilled his movements as he felt the tiny creature hop down to his shoulder and then he saw her carefully making her way down his arm. When she was fully seated on his hand he started sketching again. At times the owl would hop down onto the paper, pointing with her beak and walking across the paper, directing his pen, leaving tiny tiny footprints.  
About fifteen minutes later he heard the front door open and within seconds the owl had flown to the hall. Shortly after a squeaked 'Daddy' was heard. Dean smiled as he heard Cas reply. Their daughter was five now and she was amazing. Sometimes they woke up with her small figure up between them when she had crawled in their bed once again. Sometimes she came back from kindergarden and proudly presented her latest drawing. They were all collected on the kitchen wall alongside some of his own sketches. The kindergarden teacher once told them how surprised she was by how well their daughter knew the bird´s-eye perspective.  Cas had just smiled politly while Dean had to bite back a huge laughter.   
Sure there were hard times. But he had Cas. He had their daughter. He had his family.  
He got up and joined them in the hallway. He quickly pecked Cas on the lips and gave him a wide smile before he returned his attention to his daughter who was now tugging at his sleeve. »Papa«, she said. »Can we show Daddy what we drew together today?«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was it. My first multichapter fanfiction. I hope you enjoyed it. Please R&R.  
> Pie for every single one of you.  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :) I have a vague idea where this is heading but no clue how to get there... R&R is appreciated and rewarded with pie. Thx to ChristinMKay for pushing me to write this. And I messed with their years of birth, so this story could fit in 2014...  
> Hugz and cookies,  
> the shadowcat


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